I’m grateful I live very close to the beautiful trails on the island of Gozo, where I can also swim at the end or at some point during my runs. This is one of my favorite times of the day, when I go out and do it, which on most days I do.
Saying that, I don’t always wake up brimming with excitement to go. Sometimes I don’t feel like, I feel tired, I make excuses, I procrastinate. Especially now that I don’t have fixed working hours, and can go later in the day.
One of the main reasons why I go is because I know that after I start running and get over the initial stage of overcoming my psychological mind telling me to stay home or do something else, I get into that beautiful rhythm, have a refreshing swim, and come back home feeling great!
At the end of a sharing circle I had with 3 of my close friends, I reminded myself, while also expressing to them, that I had been doing this kind of sharing for ages. Well over a decade now.
So as I was running through the trails the next day, a space where I automatically do most of my mental processing, my mind started thinking about sharing and sharing circles.
To start with I’ll explain what kind of sharing I am speaking of. It is the kind where we set aside time and space for sitting down together, two or more, and intend to listen to each other, mainly without any interruption. Setting the intention to not judge each other, or try to preach to each other what we think is right or wrong, or give advice.
We also set the intention to share our truth, if we feel the need to share, and to keep the sharing directed at ourselves, without blaming or trying to make other people or situations responsible for our feelings.
It’s a space where we drop deep into ourselves and let out what needs to surface, share the stuff that we are reluctant to share. Share the stuff that we usually cover up in conversations by talking about things that aren’t really that important, or we’re just talking to be talking, to not sit in silence with another and ourselves.
This is a story about one of the times I challenged myself to new limits, and while breaking them, hit the new ones, during a 114km race with an elevation gain of 7,000 meters that I almost finished.
I woke up to my alarm at 3:30am in a guesthouse in a little town called Vilac, in the Spanish Pyrenees Mountains. I packed the last items in my running backpack, ate a breakfast of rice, avocado and peanut butter, and got picked up by a taxi that took me to the starting line of the UTVA in Salardu.
Before any challenging event I always have mixed feelings of calmness, surrender, anxiety and an acceptance that whatever has to happen will happen. I also get thoughts of “am I ready for this” and “what the hell am i doing?” And so on. That’s where my mindfulness practice comes in and I just remind myself to witness the thoughts without believing any of them.
Look at your life, see if it is filled with emotions of joy and peace, or of anxiety and stress. What is being created in your life ? Is it the life you want? Do you even feel you deserve it?
Whether we want to admit it or not, we are creating our reality, we are responsible for the way we feel. Even science proves this.
Many times, we are just not aware of what is making us feel in some way, or even what emotions we are being run by.
Cause it is all buried in our subconscious and our life is run on an automatic program emerging from there.
Everything we experienced when we were young, and the emotions that those experiences created, got lodged there.
So the first step into changing our life is allowing the subconscious to become conscious. And there are different ways of doing this.
Meditation is one of simplest ways. Free-writing or unconscious writing is another.
We sit and start watching our mind. And it might be uncomfortable at first, cause we don’t want to see what’s coming up.
But the next step is dis-identifying ourselves from anything that comes up and realising that it is not who we are!
There were times in my life when I lived out of anger, out of fear, out of unworthiness. And sometimes I still do, but at that time I didn’t realise it. I thought that was who I am, and things were just happening to me. Now I can notice it and stop acting from that space, and consciously move into a space of calmness, peace.
So, first admit that you are creating this, take that first step, and then continue the process to uncovering those unconscious patterns. Bring your mind out into the open.
The next step after this would be to start consciously creating the person you want to be. This also takes discipline and determination, but obviously it is worth it, and it really takes less energy to do then the energy we use to hold onto our unconscious patterns, and the discomfort they create, the discomfort we become attached to and afraid to let go of lest we lose ourselves. And I’ll write more about my experience on that in my next post.
From April 2017 I will be offering a life-coaching/mentoring program on a holistic lifestyle, body, mind and spirit, cause they all go together!
How can we be the best version of ourselves, attracting the best life for ourselves? What holds us back, and how can we let go of this and make space for the new?
I do this because I enjoy sharing my experience of life with others. If you think you or someone else may benefit from this, get in touch with me for more details – email@example.com
How do we change an ingrained pattern, belief, fear?
Whenever I think of this subject, the experience that comes to mind is my mask clearing scuba diving experience. When you’re learning to dive, one of the tasks you have to complete is taking off your mask below the water, putting it back on, and clearing it of water. All while you keep breathing through your mouth through the diving regulator, obviously.
Me, as soon as I felt water near my nose, something in my body automatically sent a signal to stop breathing. And this was fine in 3 metres of water, I could swim up to the surface and breath. But I knew if i didn’t pin this down, and I’m in deeper water, it could cost my life. I was even thinking whether diving is for me, since this fear seemed quite real and big to overcome at a point.
Something within though really wanted to overcome it and get my qualification, and most of all be super comfortable in the water when I’m deep. It’s not unknown to lose a mask while diving and have to continue without it. Hence the need for completion of this task to finish the course.
“Passing through, passing through.
Sometimes happy, sometimes blue,
Glad that I ran into you.
Tell the people that you saw me passing through.” LC – Passing Through
What are we taking so seriously today? Death, heartbreak, loss of a job, hurt your toe, woke up sick, punctured tire, sick family member? Our neighbour is pissing us off?
Maybe we’re not living the way we think we should be living? Not doing enough?
What is taking up space in our mind this moment ?
Those lines are always a great reminder that we are just PASSING THROUGH.
Whatever we think is so important, isn’t really. Whatever we think we should be achieving…
go out and achieve it, and if you do, great, if you don’t, well at least you tried, enjoy the adventure.
Whatever it is you’re feeling, joy, sorrow, health, sickness, it will change, so don’t worry to much about it. At least don’t make it last more than it’s meant to last by living through memory!
We don’t know what’s round the corner, we know where we are now, and we can only make the best of this now, NOW!
Sometimes, I sit in the comforting darkness and let my mind run.
Look at all the stuff it brings up.
Even what I label as good is just “stuff” coming through.
I sit here, and I let it sink in, that we really are just passing through.
And whatever is passing through us is also just passing through. Every thought and every experience.
Whatever importance we may attach to it is just our label, our perception, our need to make it “real” and immortal.
All that seems to matter is that I allow joy to shine through this being.
And only when I remove the clouds of self-ish-ness that I sometimes hang on to, can that happen.
And some clouds can sit there a long time suspended in the humid air creating stormy pressure, getting darker, till they disperse, dissolve, burst into rain. Realising there was nothing!
Only when I live every action as an action of service to All – including me – does that Joy seem to shine through.
Then even sadness can be joyfull cause there is no one resisting or trying to get rid of it.
When I try to DO any-thing to “make” me happy, seems its just futile.